We made it home today, and thank God! it rained almost all week. We spent a lot of time sitting under tarps and trying to keep dry. I brought my Nintendo DS (portable video game playing device, if you don’t know), but I didn’t really play it at all. We played cards and drank hot chocolate and it was fine; it was just boring.
There were a few nice days, and one day we went fishing with my crazy Uncle Gary. He’s my mother’s best friend, but he’s also my brother’s and my godfather, so we call him uncle. Ironically, he can tend to confuse me at times when it comes to matters of faith and morality and things like that. He’s a wonderful person, we just tend to disagree on some things. I won’t get into detail, though. The point is, I didn’t actually do any fishing. I brought a notebook and a pencil and finished writing a song that I had started the night before. Of course a day later I decided I didn’t like the song.
The weekend was fantastic, though. It was hot and sunny and we all had a lot of fun. We did have a little show on Friday. I hosted the open mic. My cousins and a couple of their friends got up and sang a song about cats, which was funny. I think it kind of weirded the audience out, but I approved. A little boy who was maybe around 10 got up and sang some of Bohemian Rhapsody. He was a little off in some places, but it was impressive, nonetheless. Another very little boy got up and got the whole audience to sing Row Row Row Your Boat. I played a bunch of originals and a few covers and then the sky threatened to dump multitudes of rain upon our heads, so we all went back to our tents.
Last night we did our swim to 3rd beach and back, which I think is a mile round-trip. Needless to say I was tired when we got back to camp. The lake was wavy and it pushed us on the way there, but we had to fight it on the way back to camp. I prayed a lot just to get back. It was actually the first time in years I’ve been able to finish the whole sim, and I can’t imagine i”m in better shape.
Today we couldn’t have finished packing fast enough. We all desperately wanted to get home to our own rooms, our computers, our toys, etc. It was another beautiful day though, and the lake gave me the inspiration for a new song. It’s called “Home,” and it’s sort of about being home but not realizing it until you get lost and then wanting to get back. It’s also sort of a metaphor for where I feel like I am with my faith right now.
Lately I’ve sort of felt like I’m just going through the motions and I’m expecting things of God just because I’m a Christian and I haven’t been trying to improve myself or my current situation (which is stable but sort of going nowhere fast). Over the past couple days, I have been trying to be nicer to my little cousins. To put it bluntly, I don’t like children, but I tried to be a lot more patient with them and I did alright. I was definitely nicer than usual to them, and I gave them rides on my wheelchair, which is usually a big NO if they ask for it.
I’ve also decided that I’m going to really try and get some momentum going in my life. I need to work a lot harder to get my business up and running and to get my album finished. I thought of something yesterday, perhaps. I have never been in a relationship. I’ve never even been on a date. I could think of a million reasons why, but I think the most likely one is the one I thought of last night. It’s probably true that God is making me wait for the right time and the right person. I also think that I will have to wait until I am able to support a relationship. I think this is the only way I could possibly be happy in a relationship. The fact of the matter is, I rely on people for help a lot because of my disability. I also want to be able to help people in any way I can. I think I would be happy in a relationship where I can financially support myself, but I would be happiest in a relationship where I can support the other person sort of as reciprocation for helping me with my needs. Maybe that’s weird, but I really just want to be helpful.
Well, I’m tired and I have things to do, so I will have to write more later.