This song has nothing to do with anything…
Sometimes I feel like a bit of a loser. I know I lack the ambition that many artists have to carry them to success. I know many artists–of any kind will sit and work on their projects for hours and days and weeks almost non-stop. I know I want to be a writer. I have a goal. I want to be published. I also know I don’t work as hard as I could towards that goal. It’s partly because I get distracted by my friends and my other artsy hobbies, but it’s partly because I’m perfectly content to do nothing and just play stupid games on my phone or watch movies or read fantasy stories. Part of my problem is that I hate doing research and I kind of suck at it. Part of the problem is that I’ve been awfully lucky. I’ve had some success just given to me. Don’t get me wrong, I’m very thankful for that. Part of the problem might be that I doubt myself a little. I see people who are much more talented and successful than myself all over the place and I wonder if I’ll ever even make it.
I’ve decided to stop playing video games for a while; quit cold turkey. I think I was getting a little addicted to Minecraft. I’ve also decided I have to do at least one artsy thing every day. I meant to be a lot more productive over break than I have been, and I regret wasting the time that I did. I’m going back to school on the 16th. I haven’t checked my grades from last semester. I feel like I probably got at least B’s in most of my classes, but I really just kind of don’t want to know. They’ll send them in the mail eventually anyway. I think I made a mistake with the courses I chose last semester. It was A LOT of work. I think I planned much better for the coming semester. I’ll have to try and make a new friend though because my friend Lydia is finishing college in Italy and then going straight to France to work. All my high school friends will of course go back to college.
Well, I’m determined to work on my novel for a few hours tonight. I think I’ve almost figured out how it’s going to end. I haven’t actually written a whole lot yet, but I’ve been planning it out for weeks now. Once it’s finished I WILL get it published. I’m not going to put a ton of work into this without doing something with it! I don’t care if I get super popular. I just want to be able to support myself.