Last night I went to see Tenth Avenue North. It was an absolutely amazing night. My dad and I got there early because we had VIP tickets so we could meet the band. They’re a bunch of super nice, funny guys, and their music is fantastic. What’s more is, since we got there early, we got to grab whatever spot we wanted in the entire chapel (this was at my school). We were literally touching the stage. It was a little claustrophobic because it was a sold out show and everyone wanted to be up front, but it was just so much fun.
What I love about their music, though is that it’s super fun to just listen to, but it also gets me thinking. I like things that make me think. I like to be challenged sometimes; not just entertained. Anyway, what was super awesome is that their new album doesn’t officially come out until tomorrow, but they had copies available at the show, so I snagged one.
They have one song on the new album–I forget which one, but there’s a few lines that go:
Forgive me, Lord
Like I’m not yours
And I had it stuck in my head as I was going to sleep last night.
Today I’ve been sort of antsy. I feel like I need to be doing something, but I don’t know what that something is. I do need to be doing homework, but that’s beside the point.
As part of their show, Tenth Ave talks a little bit about Compassion International, partly because they sponsor a few kids through that organization, and partly as a promotional thing to try and get some of us interested. They talked about it last year when I saw them, Rend Collective talked about them when I saw them a few weeks ago, and Tenth Ave talked about them again last night. They’re not obnoxious about it, and they don’t try and guilt anyone into doing anything. It’s just important to them. It still makes me feel guilty, though.
It makes me feel guilty for weird reasons. Firstly, I mentioned this before, but I take things that Jesus said very literally, and he said that we ought to help the poor. Secondly, I am in a very weird financial position at the moment. I am the daughter of a guy who is a successful banker, and who makes a lot–I mean a LOT of money. He’s paying for my brother and me to go to college, and when we graduate, we will have borrowed nothing. By that standard you could say I’m ridiculously wealthy. However, if I wasn’t leaching off my parents, I’m not sure I’d be able to support myself. I’d probably manage, but it would be pretty tough. That said, I think I’d still be in the top 1% of the world. By American standards I’m broke. By world standards, I’m filthy rich. It’s confusing. Thirdly, I don’t feel called to help the poor. I feel called to make peace.
For one thing, I’m good at it. I’ve been able to help fix at least a couple nasty relationships, and I’ve actually been able to help a few people be a bit more optimistic about humanity in general. What I really want to do is help people make peace with God. I didn’t feel like I had courage enough to do that until recently, but I really want to now, and I’m not afraid to talk about it and write blatantly obvious songs about it. I’m convinced that the world is good and people are inherently good. I’ve just encountered so much pessimism and anger about the state of the world that I feel like I should do something about it.
Part of being a peacemaker is getting people to understand that we’re all on equal footing, and getting people to love each other. Loving each other means helping each other, so really, helping the poor is part of that.
The reason I bring up the Tenth Ave quote is that I feel like I haven’t been doing this lately. I’ve written a few blog posts, but beyond that I’ve just been coasting. I’ve been wasting a lot of time on the internet or playing video games when I could be researching music stuff or doing homework. Homework isn’t directly related to being a peacemaker, but I need to get through this semester, and I do feel like I owe it to God to try and do well in school. Lately I’ve just wanted to be lazy, and I guess that’s normal, but it doesn’t make it right.
I’m just finding it hard to really take a whole lot of interest in my work this semester. I’m just not finding my classes all that interesting, and I kind of feel like it’s an obligatory waste of time. I want to work and make money and do things that will actually make a difference in the world. I’ve sort of been struggling with this for about two years now, and I guess it’s getting to a point where I really need to be done with school. A lot of people have been asking me if I want to go to grad school. The answer is “no.” I’ve been thoroughly educated, thank you very much. Now I’d like to put that education to good use.
Because in my world, guinea pigs can fly!