Shameless

When I became a Christian, somebody told me that the day I accepted Jesus, there was a party in Heaven for me. At the time I liked the sentiment, even if it is a little hokey. In the past couple of days I’ve just been wondering what it actually means when someone goes from a life of sin, or even just a life of unbelief to believing in Jesus; or from another perspective: why does God allow us to be in dark places sometimes?

When I was a teenager I was agnostic. Because I was searching for God, or a religion through which I could (somewhat) understand him, I did a lot of questionable things. Believing in an all-powerful God allows me to accept that I don’t have control or power over a lot of things and that he will take care those things for me. At the time, however, I wanted control, so I tried to gain that control through exploring the power of what I would probably now call witchcraft, only because I don’t really have another name for it. I did a lot of spiritual improvising, and I suspect at least some of it was a bit dangerous.

Last week I was seriously questioning my faith, and I had to decide whether to believe God or believe what people were telling me. In a lot of ways, it was a pretty big setback. I was really at a crossroad, to use an old cliche. However, what was important about that night was that the choice was mine. I was trying to figure things out when a question came to my mind.

“Do you still trust me?”

I realized that the answer was an overwhelming

“Yes.”

How could I not? I have had at least 4 really powerful spiritual experiences, and on top of that, God has answered too many of my prayers for me to count. How could I not trust him? In spite of that, I mess up. That is God’s forgiveness. He forgives us no matter where we are, no matter where we’ve been, and no matter where we fall to. He forgives us every time we mess up. That’s not to say that we shouldn’t try to be better when we make mistakes. In fact, we’re meant to try and be perfect, even thought it’s quite obvious that we can’t be most of the time.

God is a merciful judge, and he doesn’t judge the past without looking at a person’s whole life. Some people are born into wealthy families and are brought up in the Church and have a strong faith all their lives. Then again, some people come to faith much later in life, sometimes after doing some questionable things, and have an equally strong faith. In fact, some people come to faith in prison, or on their deathbeds. I just wonder how God looks at that. I think a lot of times, he uses those people in ways that he couldn’t use people who have been given their faith at birth. I’m sort of speculating.

When Jesus came among us in human form, he hung out with sinners. When he was questioned about this, he said that it isn’t the healthy who need a doctor. He wants to be with those of us who need help and encouragement. I like to think that my faith is strong and that I live by God’s commands. I don’t; not perfectly, anyway. I try, but I mess up. I remember hearing in church one time that we have a tendency to remember God only when we feel we really need him. I try very hard not to do this, but the reality is that I sometimes feel closest to him when I completely give up and he fixes things for me. I often feel very close to him when things are going great as well, but in some cases, I have to be more intentional about remembering him.

He didn’t come to shame us, he came to save us. He called people out on things, but it was always for the purpose of changing them, and it was always in love. Last week he called me out on the fact that I was doubting him after everything I’ve seen him do. He did it kindly. He just asked me a question, and that cleared everything up. Sometimes that’s all it takes.

Because in my world guinea pigs can fly!

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