Monthly Archives: June 2015

Allergic To ‘E’

This paragraph, I think, will fall apart for lack of a point. You will find no logic within it. Many things will not find your vision for lack of a tiny, though significant symbol. What now can I say? I know many words and catch a thousand thoughts, but most stay stuck for most cannot fall from brain to hand to word. So now I stay without this ability which I got through thousands of hours of school. So what now? Must I stop? It is so.

I must say, that was hard. I guess it’s one of those things… You never know how much you need or use something–even an ‘e’ until it’s gone. If anyone wants to take the challenge, all you have to do is write a paragraph without using the letter ‘e’ and then challenge five other bloggers (or any number).

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Something I Never Do

Last Saturday I went to confession. This is something I almost never do, and when I say almost never, I mean I haven’t gone in several years. For the longest time I shared the belief with many that one could confess their sins directly to God. I’m starting to feel a little differently about that. In part, however, I just needed to talk to someone, so I figured I would go to my priest.

I can write about it here now because what I discussed with him isn’t exactly a big secret. In fact I’ve talked–or whined about it here before, but in a slightly different way.

I confessed to my priest that I worry about the world. That there are things in the world that scare me; that I want to change, but I don’t do anything about them because I don’t know how or don’t have the resources or ability to. What was bothering me–what has been bothering me off and on for a long time–is that I don’t try and figure out new ways in which I can help. I just give up before I even try.

My priest seemed to think this was a strange thing to be confessing at first, but then he started asking me questions:

do you feel like you have a strong relationship with God?

I think so…

Can you pray?

Yeah…

Do you pray about the stuff that scares you and that you want to change?

Yeah…

Well prayer is super powerful. Really amazing things happen because people pray. Don’t underestimate it.

Okay.

But what else are you doing now? How’s school going?

I just graduated.

Oh, congrats! What’s your next step?

I’m writing a novel.

Great! What’s your novel about?

It’s science fiction… but I plan to use some of the proceeds to donate to charity and stuff.

Well, great. God has given you a gift. You can write and you’re committed to it. Can you use that gift in other ways?

I have a blog…

You can kind of figure out where the conversation went from there. I was hoping to be told what to do differently. I was hoping he would give me some brilliant insight or tell me about a new charity that needed a social media manager. Instead he told me that I should basically be doing more of what I have been doing: pray more and write more; be more intentional about it; Plan blog posts; read scripture; do the rosary or at least make an effort to pray every day. It was actually the most encouraging thing he could have told me.

There were other things I confessed to, but they were more concrete, and not things I want to talk about here. I’m working on those things. I think overall, going to confession was very good for me. Ironically, it’s comforting to know that someone else knows my dirty little secrets, and I can trust him to keep them. I also feel like since he knows them I’m more accountable and I have more responsibility to work on them. In my mind it doesn’t make sense. It feels like these things should only be between me and God. I honestly don’t know much about penance from a spiritual standpoint. Once again I have to do some research.

Because in my world guinea pigs can fly!

The Forgiveness Of Birds

This probably means a lot more to me than it might to other people. I have a tiny green bird named Seamus, and when I say tiny, I mean he weighs no more than two ounces. Every day we have a routine. Every morning my mom gets up around 9:00 and lets him out of his cage and refills his food and water. Then around 10:00, the two of them come and help me out of bed. My mom has to help me with some stuff in the bathroom, so while we do that, Seamus sits on my shoulder and tries to kill my toothbrush and my hairbrush and the cloth I use to wash my face. One of his many nicknames is Murder Bird.

After we take care of that noise, I need help with the toilet, and since I can’t stand on my own, my mom has to pick me up (it’s a good thing I’m tiny). While we’re doing all of this Seamus climbs around all over me. This morning however, I had a near panic attack. I didn’t realize how far down on my back he was, and I leaned back into my wheelchair too quickly and almost squished him. He’s totally fine, but it scared the crap out of me, and I cried about it, admittedly, a lot.

After we were finished with all of that we went down to the kitchen, I calmed myself down and we all had lunch. Then my mom had to go out, so Seamus’ options were to hang out with me or go in his cage. He decided to hang out with me. He took a nap snuggled up close to my neck, and now he’s preening himself on my shoulder. I was super worried that he’d be mad at me or scared to be on me. I’m finding that the forgiveness of a tiny two ounce bird really means a lot.

Because in my world guinea pigs can fly!

What I Want To Tell You

What I want to tell you is not what you will want to hear. I want to tell you that you should forgive him. I want to tell you that you should let it go; move on; live and let live. I want to tell you that Jesus loves you. I want to tell you that Jesus loves him, despite the things he’s done–despite the things they’ve all done.

I know you won’t want to hear that. I know you won’t believe it. It’s hard for me to believe it, too. But I do believe it. I may not like it, and I may not understand it, but I think it’s true.

I want to tell you that forgiving someone and allowing them to continue what they’re doing–what they’ve done is not the same. Forgiving means letting go of your anger, seeing someone as nothing more than a broken person, and moving on. Forgiving doesn’t mean going back. Forgiving doesn’t mean that what they did is okay. It means being free. It means no longer being defined by what happened to you. It means finally being able to love.

You don’t have to forget. In fact, you shouldn’t forget because what happened was important, and you can learn from it. Others can learn from it. Remembering makes you a better person because you won’t make the same mistakes.

I love you, and I want you to be happy. I want you to forgive and let it go, but I’m afraid to tell you. I’m afraid you’ll get mad. I’m afraid you won’t understand. I want to let you know that I’m praying for you, but I don’t know if that would mean anything to you, so I’ll just keep doing what I’m doing.

Because in my world guinea pigs can fly!

If this doesn’t make you feel special, nothing will

Simple, true, confusing, inspiring, good. Thought I’d share.

The Isaiah 53:5 Project

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1. You are God’s child.
“…for in Christ Jesus you are all sons of God, through faith.”
Galatians 3:26

2. You are Jesus’ friend.
“No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you.”
John 15:15

3. You are a whole new person with a whole new life.
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.”
2 Corinthians 5:17

4. You are a place where God’s Spirit lives.
“Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own…”
1 Corinthians 6:19

5. You are God’s work of art.
“For we are…

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