Tag Archives: Ambition

Another Crazy Idea

I have an idea, but I’m not sure how to go about making it happen. Off and on for the past 3 years or so, I’ve been vaguely interested in starting a small church or at least a worship group. The idea has come to the forefront of my mind again because of what has recently been going on around Gordon College (my school). I’m a senior at Gordon, and for the most part, I have enjoyed my experience there. I tend to be more liberal than many of the other students and faculty, but it has never caused any animosity, and everyone up until this point has been understanding.

Recently, however, the president of the school, along with prominent leaders of other Christian organizations, signed a petition asking President Obama to exempt them from an anti-discrimination law so that they could lawfully exclude LGBT peeps from their hiring process. Understandably, there has been a lot of backlash from alumni and current students, though admittedly, I don’t know much about the reactions of many faculty members. They seem to be staying quiet on the issue.

I read a blog post yesterday or the day before from an alumni who graduated in the early 80’s. She mentioned that many alums have decided to return their diplomas in protest of the president’s actions. She decided not to do so, and instead, wrote about how alums and current students should work toward change with positive action rather than simply making a statement of discontentment. She didn’t exactly say how this should be done, but she did talk about how alums in particular can control what their donations to the school go to specifically.

Her article gave me an idea. She talked about how the church she currently attended was very accepting of former criminals and addicts, but when she came out as a lesbian, they stopped allowing her to take leadership roles in the church, and ultimately kicked her out. Reading this made me want to right the wrong. I initially wanted to start a whole new church that would be completely open to members of the LGBT community, ex convicts, etc, but after some thinking, this seemed to be too big a task for me. I’ve decided that I do want to start a small worship/study group, but I don’t know where, and I don’t know how. I don’t currently have anyone to start it with, and I’m not sure exactly how to inform people that I’m doing this. I’m also not sure that my parents or my Christian friends would approve. I know I shouldn’t care, but I might need their help later.

Two of my biggest problems are that I don’t know exactly what the format of our meetings would be, and since I want to be inviting to everyone, I was thinking we might explore worship through different religions, but I don’t feel comfortable doing that. I know that if I had friends who were spiritual in different ways than myself and they asked me to worship with them I would, so I don’t know why this would make me feel uncomfortable.

I’ve started doing a bit of research, and I might get in touch with the local Unitarian Universalist church to see if anyone is interested, and the local library to see if we could use their building once a week for our meetings. Honestly, though; what I’m most worried about with this plan is that I won’t have the ambition or the resources to make it happen–which ever happens first. That’s actually something I’ve been fighting with (again): lack of ambition. I know it’s partly just because I’ve been on vacation since June and I’m just getting bored, but it’s starting to get on my nerves. I need school to start up again.

Because in my world guinea pigs can fly!

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Slipping

Today in chapel, the speaker talked about living for something worth dying for: giving everything are and everything you have to Jesus, and using all your resources to make the world a better place. It kind of made me feel bad to be honest. It sounds easy in a way; praise the Lord, pray for the world and be nice to people. On another level it’s really hard. I don’t know what it means to give all I have, partly because I feel like I don’t have much to give. I’m broke, so I can’t donate anything, and I’m disabled, so I can’t go anywhere and offer service to anyone.

I know that dedicating my musical ambitions to God is a good thing, and I know praying is a good thing. I do both of those. I pray every night, and I’m still trying to maintain that kicked-in-the-pants drive when it comes to music. I go to the studio once a week, which I’ve been doing for a while, and I’ve been practicing and writing more than usual lately. I’ve also been doing research when I have time, on top of school. I just feel like my mood is slipping. I think I know why, and I think it suffices to say that it probably has something to do with lady issues.

I’m on Spring Break as of Thursday, and I’ll be busy enough, which will be good. I’m playing at an open mic on Wednesday, March 12, and I have a recording session the following night. I’ve also been in touch with a woman who is very interested in becoming a songwriting/performing duo. She was the only person who replied to the craigslist ad I sent out last week, and she’s several years older than I am, but she seems very nice, and we seem to have the same idea of where we want our music to go. She’s also Christian and is committed to using music to glorify God, which is the whole point of this craziness. I’ll be meeting up with her either at the open mic or some other time next week. It should be super cool.

I guess I have to keep things in perspective. I prayed earlier today that God would give me patience and courage. I think great things can come of my project, but it’s going to take time. I’m just too expectant for results now. I’m hoping my new potential band mate (Sam) can give me some pointers, because I think she has a little more performing experience than I do.

I’ll leave you guys with some song lyrics

I will sing Hallelujah
‘Cause there is good in things and I believe it
I can see that it’s true
And it’s beautiful

Because in my world guinea pigs can fly!