Today is a better day. Last night I prayed, and I said, “Lord, I’m still a mess. I need your help. What do I do?” I felt him say to me, “Come see me tomorrow,” so I went to daily Mass first thing today. Then I got breakfast and coffee. I hung out in the Kitchen and procrastinated for a bit, and then I answered an email, prayed, and got to work on my mythology. Life goes on. I won’t pretend I’m completely done being sad, but I’m getting better. I’m finding work helps. I’m at a point where I have a really good framework for the mythology, so I can work on several stories at once. Today I started working on four intertwined stories, three of which have to do with Realms of the Abyss, and one of which has to do with two characters who form a very odd friendship.
I started working on all four of these stories at once because I didn’t know how to start just one of them. I felt like I couldn’t write it start to finish without knowing details from the other stories. Realistically, I probably would have had a much easier time working on the mythology if I had worked in this way to begin with, but now I know. I also recently started keeping track of what I’ve done and what I need to edit or get rid of. I had been doing this in my head all along, but it was getting hard to keep track of, especially when obscure details start to be important.
I have got a start on the four stories I’m working on, but only a start. Weaving them together won’t be difficult, but I’m not far enough along yet, and getting them to that point is a bit perplexing. These four stories are also weaved together with other stories, and I don’t want to be redundant. I also have a somewhat difficult time with “backstory.” There are some spirits in the Abyss whose sole interest is understanding the timeline of eternity. I wrote this into the book because honestly, I’m rather interested in it. We make up beginnings and ends. There was a first moment in time, and according to the Bible, there will be a last, but the beginning and end of time as we understand it aren’t the beginning or end of forever. God exists in forever. I want to know about that.
Eternity is uncomfortable in real life, and the discomfort of it is intentionally underscored in my book. We write stories, in part, because we like beginnings and ends. Beginnings and ends give us a sense of certainty. I believe in an afterlife, and an afterlife is outside of time. An afterlife takes place in eternity. There’s an afterlife system in my book, but in that afterlife system there is no love, and no mercy: only justice. In the real world, that’s not the case. Today in Mass I understood something that I already knew, but didn’t fully understand. Love hurts, and no one knows that better than Jesus. Love himself hurts for me and with me. I wrote yesterday that I had a hard time saying that, because I was so sad, I had a hard time truthfully saying that I trusting Jesus. I can confidently say now that I trust him, and I’m sorry I almost didn’t. He’s taught me a lot while I work on a bunch of fantasy stories. He’s cool like that.
Because in my world guinea pigs can fly!