Tag Archives: Definition

Coming Out, Sort Of

I think I’m asexual. I’ve thought so for a long time, but the idea kind of weirds me out. I’m at that moment where I want to know more and understand myself a little better, but at the same time, I don’t want to know anything more. I know, or at least I gather that there’s a spectrum of sexuality, and I also gather that there’s a spectrum of asexuality. I find all of this confusing because I’ve found a few different definitions of what it means to be asexual. It shouldn’t really matter, but my mind just keeps coming back to it. Am I asexual, or am I not? I want to know.

One definition of asexuality that I’ve come across is that one is not sexually attracted to anyone. Another is that one has no interest in sex or finds it distasteful. Is that the same thing? I don’t even know what it means to be sexually attracted to someone. Is that the same as being physically attracted to them? I find people attractive. I notice cute guys. I just have no desire to do anything other than hang out with them (theoretically: I’ve never actually been on a date). I don’t really even like to be touched–I mean at all, even if it’s just my grandmother rubbing my shoulder or my friend playing with my hair. I tolerate them because I love them, but I’d kind of prefer that they didn’t.

I want to know “what” I am. I like to have labels for myself. I like to be able to tell people that I am Christian or that I’m a songwriter, or that I’m an English major. I feel like if I knew “what” I was I could leave it alone and preoccupy myself with more important things. I also want to know, however, because if I knew “what” I was, I would be able to better understand the theological implications of it, and I’d be able to figure out what, if anything, to do about it.

I don’t really like children. At least, I can’t deal with them for extended periods of time. I know I don’t want my own kids, but I keep reading things about how the most important thing to the Catholic Church is family, and how it’s so rewarding and wonderful to have children, and how it’s super important to the future of the Church, and so on. My mother and my godmother both know quite well that I don’t want kids, and I especially respect my godmother’s opinion on this stuff (she’s super old school Catholic), and she seems to think it’s okay. I still just feel a little out of place for some reason.

I heard (but don’t know for sure) that asexual peeps make up 1% of the world’s population. That kind of freaks me out. I would like to be married, but I’m 22 and I’ve made it all the way through high school and college without ever being on a date. Right now all I really want is a prayer partner. I want someone who I can comfortably share my faith with. It would be nice if that relationship could grow into something more, but we have to start somewhere, and I’d want that kind of relationship to start with friendship anyway.

It scares me that only 1% of people are asexual. How am I supposed to be married to someone who has any interest in sex at all? It’s not just that I’m not interested in sex; I find it repulsive. It’s gross and icky and I can’t even think about it from a scientific standpoint without being vaguely grossed out. I think that crosses a lot of guys off the list of possible partners. Anyway, I don’t mean to get whiney. I’ll be perfectly alright if I have to go through life without a partner. I can be perfectly happy as a single and complete person.

Because in my world guinea pigs can fly!

Belief vs Knowledge

Is believing something different from knowing it? I had a theology question a day or two ago, so I went to a discussion forum I had joined about a year or two ago to see what people thought. It had been several months, if not a year since I had gone there because last summer I decided that I was addicted to social media, so I quit everything except Facebook and flyinguineapig.

Anyway, I couldn’t find any threads about my particular question, and I didn’t feel like posting a new one so I left. Before I did though, I read a few posts on a thread about believing versus knowing something. I almost posted something, but I didn’t feel like getting into an argument, which actually happens a lot on that forum, but I thought I’d share my thoughts here.

Normally I would like to keep this open to belief in general, but I think in this case I might have to talk about it in the context of my personal beliefs. I think “belief” implies a lack of knowledge in one way or another. The online dictionary says that belief is “the acceptance of something as true or real.” Knowledge on the other hand is “What is known in a particular field or in total; facts and information.” I think faith may actually require both. There are things I know because I have accepted them as fact. There are also things that I believe, but don’t have enough information to accept them as fact or make judgments one way or another.

I think if one is to follow a particular religion or philosophy that there are beliefs within that system that they need to accept as fact. For example, Christianity is a very individual-oriented religion. One’s personal relationship with Christ is often what makes or breaks their faith. Therefore at the very least, people need to accept their salvation from sin and death as fact. Not knowing that for certain makes for a weak faith. I think Knowledge actually implies a very strong belief. There were facts in science that people accepted as true and real until they were proven false by innovation. For example, at one point in time people thought the earth was the center of universe. This was accepted as a scientific fact until it was refuted and a new model of the solar system was created.

In short, here are my definitions of  knowledge vs belief:

Knowledge: The acceptance of information as true based on evidence and conviction

Belief: The acceptance of ideas as true based on limited information and one’s personal desire/inclination to believe them

Because in my world guinea pigs can fly!