Tag Archives: Literature

Super Hero Complex

I thought about something after I posted yesterday. I think I have a super hero complex; or at least that’s what I call it. When I go to bed at night I pray and then I go to my fantasy world. In my fantasy world I’m a fairly different person. The character I made up to represent myself is named Kithryd. She lives on a farm outside of a small town that borders a deep and mysterious forest. She often goes on adventures in there and is fully capable of taking care of herself. I’ve tried to write stories about her and her adventures, but I can never finish them and yesterday I figured out why.

I love fantasy and science fiction because it is usually far more interesting than real life. I love mythical creatures and magic and the fight of good versus evil. Eventually, the stories I read or watch come to an end because the fight is over. Life will go back to normal for the characters and there’s nothing more to write about. I can’t write these stories because I can’t bare to bring them to an end.

This is bothersome in context with what I posted about yesterday. Yesterday I posted that I want to be someone’s rock. I want to help someone who is feeling alone or depressed or just confused about life. The problem is that it will forever bother me that there are thousands of people without someone or something to be their rock and if I help one person, I’ll want to help others. On one level, there’s nothing particularly wrong with that, but I’m worried that it could lead me to be less committed to a friendship or a relationship than I should be.

To be completely honest, part of the reason I want a very close friendship or a relationship is so that I have someone to help me and so that I don’t have to live with my parents forever or pay a stranger to help me with things. Luckily, I can do most things on my own, but because I can’t straighten my legs, I need a lot of help with some things.

I had never really thought about this stuff all at once until yesterday and I realized how complicated it is. I had to really think about how much love or friendship is involved in the relationship I want. On a purely emotional level, I would absolutely love to have a relationship with a guy, but I know that I could live without it. One of my aunts has been single her entire life and has been very happy. She lives alone and while she loves to spend time with friends and family, she also loves alone time. I can tolerate alone time. I don’t love it, but sometimes it’s nice and when it’s not I can deal with it well enough. I just like to have people around. Even if I’m not directly engaged in doing something with them, I like the noise they make and the fact that they fill a little part of the room. I don’t like when it’s too quiet. I would absolutely die if I had to live in an apartment all by myself.

I guess I need to be realistic. I can’t help everyone. I should be happy if I can help just one person. I don’t need to be everyone’s best friend to help them either. In fact, I don’t want to be everyone’s best friend. I feel that having a best friend is the best thing for people, but I have to remind myself yet again that it’s not my job. I’m meant to help, and helping just one person can still mean a lot. I’ve written about it, but I have to remind myself that simple acts of kindness can go a long way, whether I know it or not. Real heroes sometimes do great things without ever knowing about the effects of their actions, and they do it out of the kindness of their hearts. They don’t need to know that what they’re doing is working. They just need to know that they might be making a difference.


On The Horizon

I just finished my paper MUCH earlier than I thought I would, which is AWESOME because I didn’t and don’t have to stress out about it. For ONCE I planned my time well. I’m so excited my head might explode because after I do my presentation in class today I’m DONE with that class and that professor. Let’s just say he and I didn’t exactly see eye to eye.

Anyway, I thought since I have time to write a good, long blog post that I’d tell you all about some cool stuff that will be going on this summer. As mentioned a thousand times because I’m obsessed, music will be happening this summer! In other news, a girl named Hope from my Creative Writing Nonfiction class had a lovely idea. She sent out an email to the whole class suggesting that we make a list of everyone’s blogs, since apparently half the class or so has a blog. It’ll be pretty cool to see what the peeps are up to. It’s funny because I checked out Hope’s and Kat’s blogs and they’re both a lot more organized and in a way, more serious than mine.

I also had a cool idea as a result of taking that class. One of my essays (writing about faith) was about how I write worship songs (so I could avoid writing about faith) that I titled “Passenger,” which is the title of what is probably my favorite song (out of the one’s I’ve written). My idea was to write a bunch of stories or essays based off of or at least sharing the titles of all my songs. It’s not a huge, crazy endeavor because my “Passenger” essay was around four pages long, and I would sort of model the rest after that. It would be mostly just for fun and I’d probably just publish them on my blog.

That’s about it in terms of cool stuff other than reading and making noise. I’ll probably end up going to Canobie Lake Park with either my cousins or my friends once or twice, ’cause it’s just kind of what we do. We might go up to Portland for the Fourth of July. We haven’t done that in several years, and it would be really cool to do it again. We are going up to Montreal to visit my cousin Amber in a couple weeks. As I mentioned, she was here on Friday, but it’ll be cool to hang out for a whole weekend. She has a job up there this summer, so she won’t be coming home again until Christmas. She’s super nerdy and super fun to hang out with. She’s going to force me to eat french fries with gravy and cheese on them because apparently that’s a thing up there. I can’t decide if it sounds disgusting or pretty good. We also might go to a restaurant where you eat in complete darkness to experience what it’s like to be blind. It’s a cool idea.

Because in my world guinea pigs can fly!

Not Quite 12 Pages

I’m taking a break from writing a paper. It’s about the Shakespeare play Othello, specifically my interpretation of Iago. I’m taking a break because it’s a difficult paper to write and I need to work on something else for a little bit. I had to meet with my philosophy group at school today because we’re having a debate in class on Tuesday. The question is, “Can machines think?” We were assigned to argue, “no.” Thank God for that, because I would never argue that they could. I just flat out don’t like the idea above any other argument against it.

Anyway, before I came here I checked my email to see if anything needed to be taken care of. I checked my Gmail first because that’s my church/fun email. Then I checked my school email because I’m waiting to hear back from my professor. I had a question about the bibliography of my paper. It’s due Tuesday, so if I don’t hear back from her by noon or so tomorrow I think I’ll try and give her a call. I really dislike talking on the phone. I’m not sure why.

I had no new messages, so I’m running out of procrastination options. My brother got me addicted to a silly game for my phone called Dragonvale. You basically build and take care of a zoo for dragons. You can also do races and things with them eventually. I’m currently poor and wimpy though, so everything is ridiculously time consuming, which means that’s not a good procrastination option.

I’m only giving myself until 6:30 anyway (I started procrastinating around 6:00), so I need to get back to work.  I just felt like rambling a little.

Mind Candy

I got a new computer today. Actually, it’s a computer my brother built for me from a bunch of old parts that our uncle gave him. It’s been giving me some grief, but I think my brother should be able to get it sorted out. I’ve just been having so much trouble with computers lately that I’m starting to think something like Sky Net is arising and the machines are conspiring against me. At least I can still update my blog.

I complain a lot. I can be quite impatient, and when I don’t know how something works or I simply just can’t get it to work right, I can get testy. I’m trying to do a project for my Victorian literature class, and I need to find an article discussing the novel Sybil. I haven’t been looking for a super long time, but I’m having trouble finding anything that I could really use. My dad suggested using Jstor through the Boston Public Library site. I asked him if I needed his library card number and he said, “yes,” and promptly left before giving it to me. I really dislike doing research, and it’s little inconveniences like this that drive me up a wall.

I have other homework I could be doing, but I’m actually feeling quite sick of dense, arduous reading material. When you’re an English and Philosophy major, this is pretty much all you get. There’s really no mind-candy involved. I feel like the child who gets nothing to eat but vegetables.

I played a game called Journey on Thursday when I got home from school. It’s the weirdest, simplest and best game I’ve ever played, and I’m not exaggerating. There is not a single word, spoken or written to tell you what to do or where to go. You are simply dropped into a desert and the only thing to do is to start walking. In the beginning of the game this is literally all you can do. You can’t even jump. After a short walk you get to the top of a sand dune, and off in the distance you see a shiny mountain. The point of the game is to get to said shiny mountain. There are a few puzzles along the way, but they’re all pretty easy. The game is mostly about the scenery. It’s a really beautiful game. There isn’t even any combat. There are a couple levels where these robot things decide that you look tasty and you have to run away. You can’t fight back. I actually played through it again on Friday. The first time it took me about 3 hours to beat because I spent an awful lot of time just looking around and figuring the game out, but the second time it took me about an hour to an hour and a half. I want to find other games like it, because that was some good mind-candy.

I certainly think that blogging helps maintain my sanity, but I tend to think too much even when I write for fun. I think a problem that I have is that I’m always “too much” or “not enough.” During the school semesters I’m so crazy with work most of the time, and during winter and summer breaks I’m so burnt out I don’t do anything. It’s partly my own fault because of the way I set my schedule up, but it would be nice if there was a better way to balance fun and learning.