Tag Archives: new year

Learning How To Run

It was either New Year’s Day or the day after that I decided what my New Year’s resolution would be. I decided that I would try to share a blue diamond with someone every day. A blue diamond is, metaphorically, in my mind, something that can make even just a moment a little better than it otherwise would have been. I decided on this because God has shared countless blue diamonds with me. I use this metaphor because of something that happened last September, which you can read about here. I decided on this because I’ve come to understand that God can take any tiny little nugget of faith, or any loving action, and turn it into something powerful and effective. The thing is, my resolution was that would share blue diamonds, but I’m finding that more difficult than I anticipated, so I’ve changed my tune a little bit. My new resolution is that I’ll share blue diamonds if I have them, but when I don’t, I’ll offer God my nuggets, and he can share blue diamonds.

When I woke up this morning, this verse came to mind, seemingly for no particular reason: “Love is patient. Love is kind.” I couldn’t remember the rest of it, so I looked it up. 1 Corinthians 13:4-13 says, “Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.”

Honestly, when I was only half thinking about this as I was getting ready this morning, I couldn’t remember if it was Biblical or Shakespearean simply because I hadn’t read it in a while and it’s rather poetic. There are a few things in these verses that really stick out to me.

“… it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.” God is love, and, particularly in the sacrament of reconciliation, he not only forgives, but he forgets even our worst offenses. In various places, God is described as being “slow to anger and abounding in love.”

It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” This, I think, reflects how we are meant to respond to God’s love for us. God protects us, so we are likewise supposed to protect others in any way we can. We are also meant to trust God and trust the people we love. God is the source of our hope, and we can know that because he loves us, even when things look rather bleak, we have someone to look to for guidance. Love always perseveres. In other words, true love just keeps loving, no matter what.

“Love never fails.” I think this stuck out to me because it means that if love is our default operating system, we will achieve some kind of goodness, even if we don’t achieve what we want. If love is our default operating system, then we will achieve what God wants, which is likely better than what we wanted, anyway.

Last night it occurred to me that while it’s true that I’ve trusted God with my soul, I haven’t entirely trusted him with every aspect of my life. I’ve seen how trusting him, and learning how to “walk on water” as it were, has changed me. It changes everything. The fact of the matter is, though, that I can still see the shore, and he doesn’t want me to only go that far. He wants me to run, and we’ve got a long way to go.

Because in my world guinea pigs can fly!

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Declaration Of Love

I wish I could convince the world that God exists. I wish I could convince my readers. I wish I could convince my friends. I’m not a fighter. It’s not in me to argue. It’s not even in me to talk about God very much when a stranger brings it up in small talk. I avoid topics that might bring us there. I have to be very comfortable with you to be able to talk about God. Truthfully, this is, in part, because I don’t want to be judged. However, it is more and more so because I don’t want people to be annoyed or scared and avoid the topic or even avoid me completely. There’s a principle in writing that dictates you should try to show, not tell, when trying to illustrate or explain an event, situation, inner thoughts, etc. I think I translate that principle into everyday life. Maybe it’s not helpful for people to hear that God exists or that he loves them because they’ve heard it a thousand times and still don’t believe it for whatever reason. I just want to show you.

I’ve been given a plethora of resources that could help me argue the case. I can’t bring myself to read any of it because I already know God exists. I already know he loves me. There have been rare occasions on which I’ve had to argue the case because someone threw the first stone. If I had read more, I probably could have put up a better fight, but like I said, I’m not a fighter. Jesus wasn’t a fighter either. He let people know when they were doing something very wrong, but he never started a fight. He’s braver than I am. My philosophy has always been “live and let live.” Lately I’ve started using a new strategy. I’ve been more vocal and opinionated about things that influence, or are influenced by my faith, but I do not, and will not argue the case for God’s existence unless someone intentionally starts an argument with me or asks me about it.

Furthermore, the “show don’t tell” principle makes more sense to me when I consider the fact that Christians are supposed to be the body of Christ. Truthfully, I think that includes his voice. It’s hard to know exactly what he would say to specific people in specific situations, but a good place to start is to ask, “Is this a loving thing to say?” The fact of the matter is, I’m a pacifist, simply by nature. I’ll admit that sometimes even love hurts. I personally just can’t go there, but if it’s necessary to go there, one should remember that it is only loving if it truly helps the other person. I don’t go there because it is very difficult to know whether a loving but still hurtful thing will actually help.

Many Christians make the mistake of thinking too much about the afterlife. We can’t truly know what comes next. There are so many interpretations of the same idea that it’s almost impossible. We do know, however, that we were made for this world; this life. Otherwise we wouldn’t be here. I want my peeps to know God in and for this life. I became a much happier and much more peaceful person after becoming Christian. I’m not sure how well they understand that or see it. It happened gradually, and even I didn’t see it for a long time. I had a tough time in public school, and it took me several years to be able to forgive people. It took me a while to wrap my head around the idea of loving my “enemies.”

It’s in human nature to get angry and to hate, and I fall prey to it sometimes. I find myself hating “the haters” in this world, despite my best efforts not to. Really, though, it’s not productive. It just creates walls that are very difficult to break down. Jesus showed us what it is and what it takes to forgive. Forgiving the ones who hurt us allows them to see who God is and what he does. Forgiving does not mean allowing bad situations to persist. It means moving on. It means starting over. Sometimes that means breaking ties, and sometimes that means making bonds stronger. Forgiving and moving on allows people to become better. It fosters greater empathy and strengthens the love they already have for others.

Furthermore, knowing God’s love and forgiveness allows us to love and forgive ourselves as well as others. For some that is difficult. God loves us no matter what. Despite everything we do, say, think, or feel, if we try to follow God’s requirements for spiritual, moral life, he will always forgive us. We are finite, so we cannot always wrap our minds around absolutes. God will always forgive us. He loves us no matter what. Can we do that when it comes to our relationships with others? God is love, and for him, it’s probably automatic. For us, it often takes effort–sometimes a lot, but it is a necessity for a real, successful, strong friendship or any other relationship. It’s a scary notion considering that we cannot know the future, but if we did not adhere to it, we would be forever alone.

I’m a writer, but it’s hard to say in words what actions can show. I can’t just tell you that God loves you, and without explaining some things, I can’t simply show you. It’s hard to find that balance. To this day I’ve never convinced anyone, at least to my knowledge, but I also don’t think God created anyone simply to convince people of his existence. The fact of the matter is, you have to be willing to believe before you will find any evidence that he exists, at least from my experience. God creates people with a purpose in mind. Sometimes that purpose is specific and vague at the same time. I think he created me to write, but it isn’t always clear what he wants me to write and why he wants me to write it.

I’ve heard stories about friends of friends, etc, who knew exactly what they were going to do from the day they were born. I get the sense this is not common. We don’t have to know what the heck we’re doing to serve God. We just have to do whatever we do with a purpose. We have to write intentionally. We have to love intentionally. We have to create intentionally. God just wants us to make his world better. Maybe that just means writing interesting stories for the world’s enjoyment. Maybe it means doing missionary work. Maybe it means running a business and being super nice to customers. As I said, it’s not always easy to tell.

I started this post by saying that I’m not a fighter. There are militant atheists out there who feel it is their duty to convince the world that believing in God is simply willful ignorance. There are people out there from various religions who would kill me for what I believe. I try not to fight at all costs, but I do believe it’s my duty to defend those who can’t defend themselves. I defend my friends, and that includes Jesus. I don’t need to defend his existence or the fact that he is God, but I will always defend his honor. The same goes for any of my friends. We defend each other. It’s what friends do. That being said, I will end that fight as quickly as I can, even if it means letting the other person think they’ve won. In fact, I think that’s a good policy in general. If an argument cannot otherwise end peacefully, end it quickly, and let the “enemy” think they’ve won. Your own pride should never be a factor in an important argument.

Hatred and war are self-perpetuating. Love negates both. If you forgive a person you’ve been fighting with, the fight cannot continue. If you let go of hate, it will eventually die. The world can be made perfect, maybe even in our lifetime. Only love will make that happen. I can’t convince anyone that God exists. That’s been made clear. I can love people, including those who dislike me or disagree with me, because he’s shown me how. I’m not asking anyone to believe tonight. I’m not even asking anyone to consider the facts because I haven’t provided any. All I’m asking is that people would try love. Love no matter what. Forgive everything. Make it your default. If you do the world, or at least your little part of it, will be a better place. I can promise you that.

Because in my world guinea pigs can fly!

Falling In Love Again

Well, hello again. I’ve taken a bit of a break from blogging for a few reasons. I’ve mostly just been doing other things. I’ve spent a lot of time with my cousins and friends since I got out of school. Yesterday we went to our cousins’ house for Amber’s 22nd birthday party, and to visit the animals. They have three cats and a small dog. One of their cats was mine for a couple years until we figured out that my brother was very allergic to him. We had named him Hercules, but they renamed him Elvis. In my opinion Hercules was a better name, but that’s beside the point. That cat is 16 or 17 years old now, and much less of a jerk. I think he knew my brother was allergic because when he was a kitten, he would perch himself on the back of a couch, wait until my brother walked by, and then pounce. He wasn’t playful about it, either. He was aiming to kill. Now he mostly just sleeps in boxes that are obviously too small to be sleeping in.

I also spent 10 hours playing Portal over Christmas week. There’s not a whole lot to say about that except that it was very relaxing and very fun. GLaDOS is officially my favorite villain of all time. She’s hilarious. My brother had been trying to get me to play that game literally for years. Spoiler alert; the cake is a lie.

I’ve been open mic hopping, as well. Last week I did one on Monday and one on Tuesday, which was great fun. I’m featuring at my favorite open mic on the 14th. I’m actually missing my first 6:00-9:00 class to do so. I screwed that up, planning-wise, but it was the first slot they had open, so I took it. I keep falling in love with music over and over again. I’m in the honeymoon phase right now (again). I’ve written two new songs fairly recently. One I wrote right before my break started, and one I wrote just this past week. Falling in love with music again is great, because when I’m in love with music, I’m perfectly okay–actually better than okay–with being single. In all seriousness, though, I have to do music. Ideally, I would have it be a full-time job, but it’s gratifying singing to four people in a tiny bar for free. If I have to get a “real job” for a while to allow me to do that, so be it.

In other news, Christmas was great. Christmas mass was actually really nice, despite the fact that our priest’s homily was obnoxious. We’re ignoring that. The point is, I got to sing about Jesus with my family and my best friend who is agnostic. It was really nice of her to come anyway. After church (midnight mass) we exchanged gifts. I got her the first two Hunger Games books, and she got me How To Train Your Dragon 2, and a Toothless plushie, which just makes me so happy. I actually got kind of a weird array of gifts this year. I got a new headset for my computer and a bunch of Guitar Center monies, which were the only things I asked for, but my parents also got me a couple old video games, and a book of Seamus Heaney poems. I also got a few little things like guitar picks and such (I tend to lose them, accidentally give them away, or leave them places). Overall, it was an awesome Christmas. New Year’s was good, too. My little cousin who lives nearby came over, as well as a couple of my friends, and we hung around, watched movies and played video games.

So I’m in a much better mood than the last time I blogged. Happy New Year, everyone!

Because in my world guinea pigs can fly!

Happy Christmas!

I slept obscenely late today. After the holidays I’ll get that back under control. Anyway, I would just like to say “happy Christmas” to all my readers. I hope you will all be warm and happy and with your families for the holidays. Whether you celebrate Christmas or not, I just hope that this is a time of joy and goodness and giving for everyone.

I also hope that this will be a time of remembering for people. I hope that you will remember the simple things, remember love, remember those who may not have what you have and remember what this holiday really means.

I wish you all the best. Happy Christmas and happy New Year! 🙂