I’m not good at relaxing. I’m good at being lazy. I have a constant need to multitask because if I don’t, I procrastinate, and get nothing done. I haven’t been working on my book much of late. That’s part of the reason I started the music project, which I am enjoying very much. I think that’s okay. I think part of my problem, however, is that lately it’s felt like working on my book is just that–work. A book is a piece of art, and I’m an artist. While it’s true that working on my art is my job, it shouldn’t only feel like a job.
The music project has created stress because it takes up time that I would otherwise use to procrastinate or actually write, but that’s the point. I can’t afford to procrastinate anymore. I’m starting to enjoy working on the book again, but the funny thing is, between working on music, the book, and the blog, I’ve become a bit of a workaholic. The thing is, the music project doesn’t only involve writing and recording songs. It’s already started to involve self-promotion because I’ve released the single. That’s involved re-teaching myself how to use movie-maker, and upload videos to YouTube, how to promote my stuff on Facebook, and how to upload stuff to Bandcamp. It’s all technically simple, but if you’re not tech-savvy, it takes at least a little time.
Before I started writing this post, I glanced at a map I drew of the continental landscape of my book, and it gave me an idea. I was going to start working on it, but then stopped myself and laughed. I told myself to relax. My plan for today was to sit around and read. I haven’t been reading. I’ll do that this evening. I slept in, and hung out with my family instead. I’m going to afternoon Mass in a bit.
When I’m being lazy, I say I’m being a lump. A lot of times, I don’t mean to be a lump. I just am. Today, I’m forcing myself to enjoy myself, get a few minor things done–mainly prayerful things–and be a Sunday lump.
I got a new computer today. Actually, it’s a computer my brother built for me from a bunch of old parts that our uncle gave him. It’s been giving me some grief, but I think my brother should be able to get it sorted out. I’ve just been having so much trouble with computers lately that I’m starting to think something like Sky Net is arising and the machines are conspiring against me. At least I can still update my blog.
I complain a lot. I can be quite impatient, and when I don’t know how something works or I simply just can’t get it to work right, I can get testy. I’m trying to do a project for my Victorian literature class, and I need to find an article discussing the novel Sybil. I haven’t been looking for a super long time, but I’m having trouble finding anything that I could really use. My dad suggested using Jstor through the Boston Public Library site. I asked him if I needed his library card number and he said, “yes,” and promptly left before giving it to me. I really dislike doing research, and it’s little inconveniences like this that drive me up a wall.
I have other homework I could be doing, but I’m actually feeling quite sick of dense, arduous reading material. When you’re an English and Philosophy major, this is pretty much all you get. There’s really no mind-candy involved. I feel like the child who gets nothing to eat but vegetables.
I played a game called Journey on Thursday when I got home from school. It’s the weirdest, simplest and best game I’ve ever played, and I’m not exaggerating. There is not a single word, spoken or written to tell you what to do or where to go. You are simply dropped into a desert and the only thing to do is to start walking. In the beginning of the game this is literally all you can do. You can’t even jump. After a short walk you get to the top of a sand dune, and off in the distance you see a shiny mountain. The point of the game is to get to said shiny mountain. There are a few puzzles along the way, but they’re all pretty easy. The game is mostly about the scenery. It’s a really beautiful game. There isn’t even any combat. There are a couple levels where these robot things decide that you look tasty and you have to run away. You can’t fight back. I actually played through it again on Friday. The first time it took me about 3 hours to beat because I spent an awful lot of time just looking around and figuring the game out, but the second time it took me about an hour to an hour and a half. I want to find other games like it, because that was some good mind-candy.
I certainly think that blogging helps maintain my sanity, but I tend to think too much even when I write for fun. I think a problem that I have is that I’m always “too much” or “not enough.” During the school semesters I’m so crazy with work most of the time, and during winter and summer breaks I’m so burnt out I don’t do anything. It’s partly my own fault because of the way I set my schedule up, but it would be nice if there was a better way to balance fun and learning.