Tag Archives: The Internet

Do Me A Favor

When I was in high school I was a deist. I believed in some sort of divine entity, but didn’t think he had a whole lot to do with humanity any more. There were a few reasons for this. The first was that I couldn’t understand why, if God supposedly loved humanity, he would allow so much pain and suffering. The second was that I was looking for a miracle; I was looking for the pillar of flames, and I wasn’t seeing the smaller miracles that happen all the time. The third was that I had been taught God’s wrath without being taught God’s love, and even though I prayed occasionally, I had no idea that one could have a personal relationship with him. The fourth reason was that, put simply, I was too scared to be an atheist.

In my high school, on the coolness scale, spirituality worked something like this: atheism was cool, agnosticism was weak, and religion; particularly Christianity was boring or a joke at best, and at worst, insensitive and exclusive. The fact of the matter was, I grew up Catholic. I wanted to be a rebel, so my deism might have also been a part of that. I was too scared to be an atheist, and the picture I had in my head of what God was like was too clear for me to be an agnostic. So I was a deist, even though I didn’t have a word for it at the time.

One of my close friends in middle school was an atheist, and one of my best friends now is an atheist. Honestly, I think that must take a lot of courage. The idea of dying without a God or an afterlife doesn’t scare me. In fact, death doesn’t scare me at all. If there were no afterlife, one would just go to sleep, and that would be that. If there is an afterlife, it’s just an added bonus. No, what scares me is the idea of living without a God. I know what it’s like. I’ve done it, and at least in my experience, it was awful. I was lonely and scared, and I felt very small all the time. True, these feelings, in part, just come with being a teenager, but they also come, in part, just with being human. Sometimes I still do feel small and helpless, but I also know that the most powerful being in the universe is looking out for me, and it’s okay that I’m small. I don’t have to completely fend for myself all the time.

It must be sort of like how my bird thinks about me. Without me taking care of him, he probably wouldn’t last very long, but he knows I love him, and if he wants something, a lot of the time I’ll give it to him. I’m nice to him, and we love each other. On the flip side, I don’t need him to survive, but I bought him because I wanted someone who would love me and who would be excited to see me in the morning. He is a pain in the neck, and sometimes I have to give him a time-out, but then I let him out and we make friends, and he gets to be my little co-pilot when I’m beating my dad at video games.

Quite frankly, I don’t know how I would get through the day sometimes without knowing that God is taking care of me. Does that mean that every single thing I do is going to work out perfectly? No, of course not. This is not a perfect world. What it means is that I’m not alone in my experiences. It means that, while I don’t have a set, definite road, I have a destination, and God knows how to get me there. That destination might be in this life or the next, but it doesn’t really matter. What matters is that I’m living, and I’m working, and I’m playing, and I’m trying to make this world a little more like what God intended for it.

I get that a lot of this doesn’t make sense if you don’t believe in God in the first place. I get that, for various reasons, people are angry with God. I can’t tell you what to think, but I can tell you that it’s okay to be angry with God, and it’s okay not to understand him. Just do me a favor and talk to him. Being mad at God forever or refusing to believe forever is like being angry at, or ignoring a friend forever. Just do me a favor and talk to him.

Because in my world guinea pigs can fly!

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Change

I just thought I’d update everyone after yesterday’s tangent. Several things happened after I posted. Almost right after I hit “publish,” my phone informed me that another blogger “liked” my post and started following my blog. I was curious, so I hopped on over to his site. Oddly enough, the first thing I found was a post trying to discredit everything in the Bible. I politely posted a comment about what I thought: namely that the Bible is not 100% historically or scientifically accurate, but that does not mean that what it asserts is not true.

I don’t need a written document to tell me that God exists, that he is all powerful, and that Jesus loves me. I have felt that and feel it now and intrinsically know it. The Bible just affirms it.

It took me a while to fall asleep last night because I was all confused and worried. However, I eventually did fall asleep after coming to this conclusion: at some point, I have to decide what is true and what I believe. Last night I had to decide whether I could continue believing in Jesus or not. I can, not because of facts or knowledge, but because of what I have felt and experienced. Faith is about having a relationship with God, and it’s impossible to do that based on facts alone.

I still don’t really know why I had that dream the other night, but I don’t think it matters. Not only do I know, but I feel that I can trust the Lord. I think if it meant that I have to change something, then that something needs to be how outspoken I am about my faith. I talk about it quite a bit on the internet, but with people I actually come in contact with, I’m not too noisy. Without being annoying, I’m going to change that.

Because in my world guinea pigs can fly!

What Is This Romance Of Which You Speak?

I’m completely switching gears from my last post. Because of very recent circumstances (as in earlier today), I need to rant about something completely different.

In case you didn’t know, I’m a quirky, shy 21 year old girl who uses a power wheelchair.

Before I start this rant, let’s get one thing straight; I don’t have self esteem issues. In fact, when I look in the mirror, I think I’m pretty cute; maybe not “pretty” exactly, but cute. I aint shootin’ for pretty. Pretty is too much work. I’m not lonely either. In fact, sometimes all I want is to lurk in my room and quietly play video games or read, or lurk in the basement and play guitar (I don’t do that quietly). In fact, what I want to rant about isn’t really a problem. It’s just weird.

I am not, nor have I ever been attracted to anyone (with the exception of one person who I’m not going to talk about for the sake of privacy, though he probably knows who he is). That was back when I was in high school, and it was nothing more than a crush.

The fact of the matter is, I have no idea what romance is, nor do I have any idea how to be romantic. I was talking to my mom yesterday because we were outside the grocery store waiting for my aunt, and they were selling flowers. My mom loves when my dad brings home flowers, but I feel like I would be thoroughly annoyed if someone brought me flowers on Valentine’s Day or what have you. It irks me that one would pull living things out of the ground just because they’re pretty. You just destroyed a plant. Way to go.

I also have never understood the difference between just hanging out and being on a date. For example, if you go out for dinner with someone, when is it a date, and when is it just going out for food? Furthermore, what is so special about a fancy candlelight dinner? Why isn’t pizza just as good? I like pizza… a lot.

Furthermore, I hate mushy talk. Pet names are okay, but being overly affectionate is just annoying to me. I’m not saying don’t do it at all. I’m just saying stuff like the “I love you,” “I love you more,” crap is stupid.

And I find stuff annoying. I wouldn’t want someone to just randomly give me gifts if it’s not Christmas or my birthday. I hate having stuff just lying around. The exception to this would be if he got me useful stuff or stuff that I needed. I would appreciate that.

Lastly–and I find this point a bit awkward–I find sex appalling. I don’t even want to think about it because the whole concept disgusts me. I know I’m not the only person like this, but I get the sense that it’s not common. The only reason I even mention it is because it means my soul mate has to be someone who thinks the same way, and I feel like finding that sort of person will be difficult.

The thing is, I don’t want to be single for the rest of my life. I eventually do want to be married. I just think about it sometimes because a lot of people I know, including some of my friends are either in, or have been in serious relationships. Some of my older friends are even married or engaged. I’ve never even been on a date. To my knowledge, no one has ever even been interested in going on a date with me. I think I’m a pretty cool person. I’m nice, I’m spiritual, I play video games and play guitar, I’m ambitious, I’m educated, I’m interested in interesting things, I’m creative, I’m kinda-sorta funny in a not-funny way, I’m adorably awkward, I like people, and I like animals.

I am shy, and I can tend to be a bit anti-social sometimes, but plenty of people are like that. I’ve just sort of been waiting to be in the right place at the right time, but I’m wondering just how long I’ll have to wait. I’ve briefly considered online dating, but the whole concept kind of weirds me out. Plus I feel like you’re supposed to be friends with someone first. I’ve also considered the possibility that God is getting me ready for a specific person, or getting him ready for me, or both. I’ve also considered the possibility that I don’t have time to be in a relationship; at least not a serious one right now. I’m finishing up my last actually serious semester at school, and I have a music career to work on. I guess I have to figure out what and how much have to sacrifice for a relationship, and how badly I want/need it.

I guess right now it doesn’t really bug me too much. I’m more worried that I’m weird. I guess I am. I guess I don’t really care. Maybe it’s one of those “I’ll know it when I see it kind of things.” I’ve run into a lot of happy accidents in my life already. Music just sort of happened. My involvement with Boston University just sort of happened. I decided to teach religious education at my church sort of out of the blue. I almost accidentally ended up at Gordon College. The thing is, these things happened partly because I was asked or I got the idea, and I said “Yes. I’ll do it.” I think that’s what makes life happen. We can’t know the future, but we can say “yes,” and make or let things happen.

Because in my world guinea pigs can fly!

Hope Is Together

Today marks the beginning of Lent. I read the Pope’s sermon for today, which I thought was quite good, and I went to an Ash Wednesday service at my church earlier this evening. The overall theme of the day was, of course, self sacrifice and giving to the poor. Another part of Lent is trying to become closer to God through prayer and/or reading scripture. Of course, every year everyone is urged to give something up or do something new to try and help themselves or the larger community.

At first I thought I might give up video games, but I hardly play video games anymore anyway. Then I thought I’d try and commit myself more to my music project, but again, I’ve already started doing that. Then I decided that I would try and do something bigger. In one of my classes we’ve been talking about literature related to slavery in America. We’ve been talking mostly in the context of African American slavery in the Civil War era, but one of my classmates mentioned that a percentage of people in America are still enslaved today. I mean, I guess I already knew that– maybe I had heard about it somewhere a long time ago and it was floating around in the back of my mind, but for some reason it really got under my skin and downright pissed me off, quite frankly.

When Dad and I got back from church earlier tonight I looked up modern slavery in America. I stared at the Google results, and looked at a couple websites, and then I realized something. I haven’t done anything about big, overwhelming problems like this in the past partly because big, overwhelming problems like this scare me. I feel absolutely helpless when I look at problems like the conflicts in the Middle East, or AIDS in Africa, or human trafficking in America, India or anywhere else. I feel so hopeless when I read about people who suffer from depression or know someone who has committed suicide or hear that my best friend is in the hospital again because she had another relapse. In short, the suffering of other people really affects me.

The speaker at our chapel service at school today was a pastor at an Evangelical church nearby. He was one of those guys who get really passionate when talking about Christ and tend to yell. Admittedly, it’s a little much for me, especially since I made the mistake of sitting in the front row today. Something he said, however, seemed very right, or true to me, for lack of a better word. He said that hope is communal. It is stronger when people are hoping for something together. I think that’s true of prayer as well. It feels more powerful and authentic when people pray together. I’ve experienced this with my friend at the recording studio. We’ve adopted the practice of praying before sessions, and man does it work.

I told myself a long time ago that I was going to devote myself to prayer because it seems to be the way in which I can be most helpful to the world right now. Well, I didn’t really do that as well as I would have liked, so I think I’m going to do that over Lent, and hopefully continue to do it in the future. I just need to make sure I spend a certain amount of time every day focusing on nothing but prayer and devotion. I think really good things will come of it. Despite everything that goes on in this messy world, I am still very hopeful, and I hope you guys are too.

Because in my world guinea pigs can fly!

Learn To Fly (Demo)

Hello all you readers of the Flying Guinea Pig! 🙂

I thought I’d share a new tune with you guys. It’s probably a few weeks old at this point, but I’ve just got it up on the internet. I recorded it on my phone yesterday. It’s not going on my new album, so I thought I’d make a demo to share. I’ll probably make a demo of “Shadow” today as well. Believe it or not, the quality isn’t that bad.

It’s a bit hard to hear, so here are the lyrics. They’re also posted right on my Sound Cloud.

I will follow the setting sun
‘Cause it might just lead me to you
I don’t know your name and I’ve never seen your face
But I believe that we’re bound to collide
We’re going ’round in circles chasing the stars
And star crossed lovers always meet some time
You might be far away, and this could take a while
But we got time and love never forgets

There is someone smiling at the center of my sun
And there will be a day when the 2 of us are 1
And if there’s something worth waiting for it’s worth waiting for love
I would learn to fly for you

I sing like a bird in my childish way
But no one seems to mind so I sing louder
And late at night it’s just me and my guitar
And I’m waiting for someone to sing the harmony
When I go to sleep I’ll dream of crazy things
I’ll dream it’s the end of the world
But maybe the end could be a new beginning
And the picture will be brighter than before

chorus

I’m am waiting, waiting for you
‘Cause when we find the right time and place
We’ll prove that love is true
But I’m not waiting, waiting for you
‘Cause life goes on without us
If we’re not going too

Chorus

Because in my world guinea pigs can fly! 🙂

Not An Option

I hung out with my cousin for a while today because he got out of school early. I came up to my room a couple hours ago after he left, intending to play video games, but I ended up doing some research on getting gigs and selling music online– since I’ll have to figure that out eventually anyway. I know; sign of the apocalypse; Katie was productive just because. I did pester a few venues already this week, so I’m just waiting to hear back from them. I only found one new open mic, but I just don’t think there are a whole lot around here. I figure what I’ll do is just ask people where else they play next time I do my usuals. I do have a few tentative open mic dates planned, so if they work out I’ll let you guys know. Check my music page soon.

I also pestered Ken’s friend because I hadn’t heard back from him. I’m becoming less shy as a result of this music thing. I’m having to learn to be more of a pest. I’m sick of not hearing back from people. I’ve decided that failure simply isn’t an option. I’m going to do this, and I’m going to do it right. Unfortunately, there isn’t a whole lot I can do at the moment except wait. I’ll do a little more research into selling music online, but my cousin is working on building me a website, and I need to finish my album anyway. My next recording session will hopefully be either next Tuesday or Friday.

Last night I had a holy-crap-I-suck moment. We were picking up my brother and my dad from Boston University because my brother was going to a presentation about how to deal with their admissions office or something. We went to dinner and then my mom and I went to Barnes and Noble to get coffee and look at books. On the way back to the car we walked right past a homeless guy and every time I do that I feel guilty. I feel guilty a lot just because my life is easy. It really bothers me that children die of hunger and stupid jerks blow things up and kill people. My two goals this summer were/are to figure out how to succeed in music and save the world. I decided that I need to worry about music first because if I’m going to get anything done, it’s going to be through music.

If anyone has any pointers on where to go/what to do, comments would be awesome!

Thanks,

Katie